Of Crushed Letters
by LilacDreams
Summary: This is another version of 'Of Crushed Emotions'. Ron writes out what he has been feeling for Hermione and his jealousies of Viktor Krum in a letter. He writes many but finally decides on one to give her one day... Ron x Hermione
1. Many Confessions

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters or worlds written in this fanfiction.

Please feel free to submit your reviews or any comments that you wish to tell me. I wrote "Prologue" down there because I'm not too sure if I'll write a sequel to it. I'll just see the comments on my review (if I have any at all) and then decide if I should write a sequel. This is the Hermione x Ron version of the other "Of Crushed Emotions", which is a Harry x Draco.It's practically the same but just different characters and a little different story. But I'll definitely write at least one more chapter for this story, one on Hermione's viewpoint. Alright, enjoy the story!

**Prologue:**  
  
A figure sat at a corner in a dark room, focusing on nothing but his thoughts and notebook. He doesn't notice the pounding  
rain outside nor the lightning as it flashes by. He is lost too deep in her sorrow and despair, writing his heart's aches as the lightning strikes again. This time lighting up the room for a split second, but that's all it needed to see that tears are visible on his pale cheeks.  
  
Dearest Hermione,

I know that you don't love me,but at least hear what I have to say? When I saw you writing to Viktor Krum today, my jealousy got the best of me. Sorry, Hermione. I have no right to lose my temper like that. What right do I have? I don't have your love, just your teasing affections. Do you know that I treasure every moment with you? Every time you tease me I fall for you even more. I treasure those moments we spent together.

Remember those times when the three of us would get into trouble together? You would always be the wisest and the first to devise a plan for our escape or for our safety. I really admired you, your wittiness and quick thinking. Like those times you stood up to Malfoy whenever he insulted my family or yours, those moments really made me feel proud of you. Always the brave and strong one, I never expected us to sit together by the fire in our common room whenever Harry would go off on his own without us. You'd be fuming but I could see in your eyes that you were very worried and concerned. We would just talk throughout the night and though we usually ended up in an arguement, it oddly made me feel happy and glad too. Thinking back on these memories could make me smile no matter how bad my day was.

Yet after our fourth year, I noticed some changes. Was it because Viktor Krum? Did he change you? You're so happy nowadays and your face seems to glow. I know I tease you alot and that we quarrel more often than the times we actually have peace but can you tell at all? That I love you? When I think about this, I feel myself tearing and my heart pounding madly. Just a smile from you could make my heart melt and my knees feel like jelly. To my dismay, you started writing to Viktor Krum and showing an interest in him. Just when I was showing my feelings for you. My stomach feels so hollow like a bottomless pit whenever I see you smiling after receiving his letters. Does he make you that happy? More than I can ever make you?

I'm sorry I fell for you. But I can't help it. I'm sorry for treating you badly or being mean to Viktor. But I just couldn't stand, I just can't stand seeing you being so engrossed with him. It was dumb of me of ever hoping that you'll love me. Typical me. I know that, but I can't help what I feel, Hermione. When I spilled that cup of pumpkin juice on the latest letter he sent you., it was no accident. I did it on propose. Don't get mad alright? Please? I don't want you to hate me but I guess you do, don't you? I caught a glance of anger in your eyes after you saw what happened. It tore me apart, I felt my heart stop. I don't want you to hate me! I promise to be nicer, and not let slip anything about my emotions.

Just don't hate me, I'll do anything for you. Even if it means I have to face you everyday and have to try hard to keep my mask in place, I'll do it. I'm addicted to you, Hermione, I can't get enough of you, and will never get enough. I want to make you happy, but I don't know how. If Viktor makes you happy, so be it. Whatever you want Hermione. Even if you'll never be able to read this, it will lessen the stress and pain a little. I hope the best for you. I always will. I find myself writing many letters addressed to you from me but they always end up crushed. I was never good at expressing myself and those were just letters for me to write my true feelings for you. Just one of my cowardice ways to avoid having to confess to you yet feel as though I talked to you about my feelings. I know pretending I'm talking to you is a bit weak of me but I need someone to talk to and I can't talk to the guys. I wish life was easier, that way I won't have so much to worry about...

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Ron looks toward the clock on the nightstand and sighs.

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It's almost midnight. We have a gruelling potions test tomorrow so I guess I should finish up. I love you Hermione, and I won't ever let you know. It'll cause me more pain if you reject me. So it's better not letting you know. I can live with reality, or die trying. For you I'll do anything, anything you want...

Yours always and forever,

Ronald Weasley

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Ron got up and opened the top drawer on his desk. Putting his notebook in the way back, he locks the drawer and crawls back to bed hoping to fall into a dreamless sleep. A sleep that doesn't involve a certain Gryffindor girl. But that is clearly impossible, as he starts twisting and turning in the early hours of the morning. It woke up just before dawn...


	2. Breathing Freely

Author's notes: Words in italics are thoughts. This one may not be as well written as the prologue but I hope you'll enjoy it still! Please review!

_Raining again... _Hermione sighed as she looked out of the window from her room. It had been raining almost every other night but it still did not dampen the spirits of the Gryffindor Quidditch team. They were out practicing for the upcoming Quidditch match against the Slytherins, which explains their burning desire to win and hence their tough training sessions. Taking out a small piece of parchment, she lay it on the table, her quill in her hand. She paused for a moment, her hand gripping the quill tightly. _I... I should write this... but... what if? _Closing her eyes, she debated with her heart and mind. _I should, if not I'll never get another chance after our seventh year. _Determined, she scribbled on the parchment, stopping occasionally to think about past memories...

Dear Ron,

There is something I really want to tell you which has been eating my mind. I have been thinking about it since our third year at Hogwarts and finally came to a decision during our fourth. See how long it has been on my mind? Funny how fast time flies while we're having fun, we're both in our seventh year now. What I want to say is that, I love you, Ron. You might not believe me or might even just laugh this off when you read this, but I say this with all my heart. I really treasure those moments when we were together. Your family always made me feel welcome, like part of them. All the times I spent my holidays at the Burrow were really one of the best times I ever had. Being treated like one of the Weasleys always made me smile with joy. Though you always tease me about being a know-it-all along with many other names, I was always angry but I was glad at the same time. Glad that you actually paid attention to me and my behaviourial quirks. I know this sounds weird, but at least I know that you care or notice me even though you spend more time on Quidditch and your chocolate frog cards.

Frankly speaking, I'd never thought it would come down to this. When we stand together, I do think we make an odd pair. You, with your gangly build and flaming red hair, and I, all bushy dark hair and bookish ways. I suppose this does not hold any significance but, to me, it does. Just like what most people see us as, friends, not a lovers. I swear, if I carry this with me another day, I'm going to have a nervous breakdown. You have no idea how hard it is to stop myself from being jealous when I see you looking at other girls, or how hard I have to try to not reveal how I feel when I am around you.

There's also something else I want to tell you. Please do not misunderstand my relationship with Viktor, for I have no special feelings for him except that he's a great friend. You would always pretend that you didn't care but I could always see your eyes linger on the letters he sent me. I wanted to make you jealous, pretending I was really excited whenever his letters came. Did it work? I bet not, you were just curious what your good friend, Hermione, was up to. Remember our first Yule Ball? I was so eagerly waiting for you to ask me to be your partner. Though you might have asked me on account of our friendship, it would no less make me happy. To my dismay, you had only asked me when you could find no one else to go with. Did that mean you had never noticed that I was a girl before then? Just one of your buddies to share secrets and have fun with? That really broke my heart and when I had returned to my room, I was crying throughout the whole night. Was I just some girl saved for rainy days? Only holding some importance when you could find no one else?

Truth is, I did not have a date when you had asked me to be your partner. I could only mention Viktor confidently because he had asked me to be his date earlier on. I was waiting, waiting for you to come up to me. Yet when I heard your reasons, I was so heart broken. I had no choice but to go with Viktor instead. Why? Because I still wanted to see how great you looked at the Yule Ball. I spent hours trying to make myself look amongst the most stunning ones just so that I could catch your attention.

Your teasing affections only make me fall harder for you, harder than I ever expected I would be in love. I remember all the times we stayed up at night in the Gryffindor common room, waiting for Harry. He was such a muddle head, always making us worry for him by going out alone to face dangers. Our little talks only made us grow closer than ever. It surprised me really, your loyalty to your friends. I would always see you frowning and worrying about us whenever something happened. Though you might seem afraid at times or have arguments with us, it was because you cared. We always misunderstood you and never paid much attention to your feelings but you were always there to catch us whenever we fall. Still, I may seem like I never cared, but deep down inside, I do. I just, don't know how to show it. I would notice all your little expressions and quirks, little things that are so endearingly and uniquely you, wondering what you always thought about.

---------------------

Here, she paused for a moment, quill tip poised over parchment. It felt like a huge weight have been lifted from her shoulders, and she could breathe freely again. She couldn't remember the last time she had felt so liberated. Smiling, she dipped her quill in her inkwell and began to write again.

---------------------

There, I have said it, or more accurately, written down my true feelings. I don't know how you are going to react to this, but I really wish that it will not harm our friendship in any way. If you do not feel as I do, I promise I will not pursue this issue further.

Love,

Hermione

----------------------

Heaving a huge sigh, she threw down her quill and sat back in her chair. Lavender's sleepy voice called from one of the beds in the dorm. "Hermione, will you keep it down? I'm trying to sleep here."

She called back an apology and stuck the letter into a drawer. She wouldn't show this to him. Not yet, not now. But some day, she will.

When the time is right...

Author's Notes Part 2: Well, this is it! Hermione's view! I had a friend (Junella! So please read and review her fanfics too!) to help me with the editing of this story (She helped to add in more paragraphs otherwise this story would be too short!). So Many thanks to her that I was able to finish and update this fast! I'm not sure if this will be as good as Ron's letter but nevertheless, hope you guys enjoyed it. My final decision is that I will continue this story but at a much much slower rate to update it for my final year exams are coming! Help! Hope you guys can wait (for those who are still interested in reading)! Ciao


	3. My Illusion

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters or places stated in this fiction!

Author's Notes: It's been quite awhile and I've decided to update! Anyone missed me? -silence in room- alriight. Well, this is the first official chapter of "Of Crushed Letters" and it's being written in Hermione's POV. It will be a little short and I might take time to upload another chapter so please bear with me! Also, many thanks to the people who actually wrote a review. After reading some of the comments, I'm now trying my best to change the story to fit the character's real personality even more. By the way, this is taking place in their Sixth year. Enjoy!

**Chapter 1: My Illusion**

_October 17, 11.45pm. Rain._

A misty evening. The lights illuminates the whole street like a glowing aura. Dusk had fallen. I was sitting in front of a closed shop, watching the passing crowd, nothing more than a blurred image to my eyes. The place is moving too fast. I fiddled with my wand. Hoping it would slow things down. Nothing really caught my eye. In my own world, everything is black and white. There I was, alone.

Without any warning, it started to rain. Not really heavy but enough to get me drenched. I didn't bother to move. The place moved even faster. Everybody began to rush, began to run. I stood up and began to walk. Not because of the rain, it was because I wanted to. Now and then, people knocked into you, accidentally brush against your shoulders. They might become your friends. Who knows?

This person with a head full of ginger red hair, brushed against my shoulders. He held onto my wrist and we ran in the middle of the now empty road. Soon, we reached the castle. I eyed Filch warily, staring at us, disappointed that we had managed to be back before curfew. Still running, Filch slowly became smaller till he disappeared from my sight, he dragged me back to the common room. He unlocked and pushed open his dorm and told me to wait. Tilting my head slowly, I peeked inside the dorm. It was dim inside. It was not really neat, neither was it untidy. I had a mysterious yet comfortable feeling of this place. I did not bother to think more about it.

He walked up to his open window and sat on the ledge for a moment. A moment slipped by, and another, and of their own volition, my eyes sought his. My world was drowning in those dreamy eyes of his. Suddenly, realization hit me. He must be staring at me because he wanted to change. My cheeks burned and I quickly turned my head away. Taking a deep breath, I waited patiently. Then, I heard the creaking of the door and at first, I only saw his shadow. As he moved towards me, the light illuminated his figure and I could see his concerned face. He opened his mouth and began to say something. I could not hear anything, everything around me seemed to have stopped. He mumbled something and scratched his head awkwardly. Stretching his left hand out, he swiftly stuffed a maroon towel into my arms. "I just wanted you to accompany me to the Common Room before going to the Great Hall for dinner." It was all my mind registered at the moment. So that was his reason for dragging me here. I wanted to tell him,_ "It's alright. I want to be with you."_ but my cursed pride seemed to have stuck a sock into my mouth, cutting off the words before they could escape my lips.

We always talk to each other but we always end up quarrelling over the littlest things. Despite our arguments, we still hang out together often. I guess we just like each other's company. Do you call this love? We walked into the quiet hallway noisily. Our footsteps echoed throughout the quiet place. We walked side by side, enjoying each other's scent. We continued this for a long time, on the night the both of us were like the only ones. No one cares.

During school, people just get on and off on relationships and friendships. I guess I am the unusual one. Although I had many different people hanging around me and me hanging around others, I never felt as close to them like I feel towards Ron and Harry. I never felt love until my fourth year in Hogwarts. First love. Before that, I had felt a tingling sensation whenever I got very near him. But I had just assumed it was a crush. Then, realization settled in during my fourth year. My world began to be filled with colors. I don't know how long would it last. The longer the better I suppose.

As we entered the Great Hall, the wonderful aroma of the turkeys and roast beef filled our noises. Grinning happily, he moved forward to join the other Gryffindors. At that moment, I felt the bond we had a scant second ago vanish and the colors just drained from my world again, as rain runs off a roof. Putting on a smile, as though nothing had happened, I sat beside Parvati and Lavender, starting a conversation to distract me from him. It has become a daily routine, pretending that what I'm feeling now does not exist. We are just friends...

-----------------------------------

Placing down her quill lightly, Hermione closed her red leather bound diary. Sighing softly, she gently pulled open her drawer and placed her diary in it. All her real emotions and thoughts hidden in the enclosed space until the next night, when she will open it up once more, pouring all her thoughts into it.

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Author's Notes: So how was it? Huh? Huh? Review!


	4. Delusions

Author's Notes: Well, seems like I finally had the inspiration to update! This chapter doesn't reveal much about my future plot yet. Just an introduction to Ron's POV. So you see, I take turns to write each character's views. Maybe one on Harry soon. Hope you enjoy this! Review!

**Chapter 2: Delusions**

The screaming from the next room caused Ron to clamp his hands tightly over his ears. He whined, with his red hair falling down over his face and tangling in his fingers. Curling up under his blankets did nothing to stop the horrible voices.

He slumped down against the cold brick wall near the Common Room entrance. It was nearly two o'clock in the morning. He doubted he would get any more sleep that night, considering the fight had just started.

His gaze fell down to the courtyard. A cobblestone path circled around through the flowers and hedges that led off to the hedge maze at the very back of the courtyard. Moonlight danced down through the rain clouds, making the courtyard nearly as bright as morning at times and dark as the inside of a kettle the next.

Ron considered his options. Trying to go back to sleep, where he wouldn't really sleep at all, or go for a walk by the lake.

In the next moment Ron had borrowed Harry's Invisibility Cloak, slipping away silently into the courtyard away from the disturbing noises in the Common Room.

The cobblestone was cold beneath his feet and there was a slight chill in the air. Maybe he should be wearing more than a thin pajamas and a cloak.

There was a fountain in the center of the courtyard where Ron sank down onto the stone bench in front of it. He was mesmerized by the way the moon hit the water and made it glimmer brighter than the sun. He reached out and gently placed a finger through a stream spilling down and felt the icy water run over the nail at the end of the thin digit and spread out into two new streams.

Ron stood up, going around inspecting all of the statues in the dim night light. He was so used to seeing them every day that he never stopped to look at them. But at night they seemed so lifelike he could swear some of them were alive. Especially this one…

Ron stopped and stared at the face of one. The eyes were carved so extremely he could swear they were staring directly into his soul. It was a male statue, but the hair reached nearly to its waist. Ron reached out and touched it; if he were real he would bet the hair would be like silk.

Like all the other statues he was carved to be naked. Almost feeling guilty and shy to even himself, he glanced down past the waist of the statue, and then stared. He was carved…perfectly. Despite that he was alone Ron quickly blushed like a tomato and moved on.

A glint of laughter followed Ron as he moved on. Ron gasped and spun quickly, had he been followed out there? His faced turned pale and his hands became clammy.

He didn't seem anyone, but…he didn't feel alone. Why did he keep feeling that the statue had something to do with it? Ron crept back over to it and eyed it nervously. Maybe he was just exhausted…he quickly moved away and went back to the fountain. He loved this spot.

Sighing, Ron laid down on the cool stone, cradling his face on his hand. The courtyard seemed awfully quiet without a certain someone. During the day, the whole castle had a bright and joyful atmosphere to it, wizards and witches chatting away happily about their own lives and such. How many times had he walked through this courtyard since his first year? Many times, it was with her. Usually, they were quarrelling or just talking about random topics. Yet at night, he felt emptiness, he felt lonely…

His eyes felt so heavy…

"Where's Ron? He's been out the whole night." Harry asked while taking a huge bite from his breakfast chicken. He ran his finger through a puddle on the side of his plate. Hermione shrugged, her mind was wandering. The seat beside Harry was empty and she missed her usual morning complaints about his unusual and sometimes disgusting eating habits.

Neville looked up from his Daily Prophet, and eyed them. "I have no idea." He replied, confused. Usually Ron would be the first one down, waiting eagerly for the huge spread to appear, sometimes grabbing their food.

Hermione didn't answer. She played with her food absent-mindedly and stared down at her plate without interest. She frowned and pushed the plate away. She was too worried for Ron that she had lost all appetite.

"I'll go look for him." Harry said and let his feet thump onto the floor.

Harry smoothed down his jet black nest of hair as he walked into the Common Room. He instantly shivered as the cold smacked him and wrapped tightly around him. "God, why is it so damn cold in here?" He complained as he looked around.

The blankets were twisted and thrown back. He guessed Ron didn't sleep well or he had not returned to his own bed after his abrupt leave.

Harry walked around the castle and reached the courtyard. The grounds below were covered in frosty white. It had frozen the night before. It was an ice kingdom around.

Suddenly Harry gasped, "Good Lord!"

"Ron?" Harry quickly shook his arm and touched the icy face. He looked down at the frail body. He was wearing only the thin, silk chemise. What in the world was he doing out here!?

Hermione sobbed over his shoulder. "Is he okay? Please let him be okay!" She turned, about to fall against Neville but decided against it and sobbed into her hands.

Lavender and Parvati both watched, worried. "He's as cold as death…" Lavender muttered softly after grabbing hold of his arm.

Harry turned and looked back at Hermione frantically. "Go get Madam Pomfrey! Quickly!"

Harry scooped up the frozen man and quickly carried him to the hospital wing.

Hermione slammed the doors of the hospital wing shut and lit the fireplace. She sat down beside Ron on the bed when Harry set him down and helped him to wrap all the blankets around the trembling boy who had scarcely woken up while Harry was carrying him.

"What were you doing out there!?" Harry asked angrily, not expecting an answer. He turned to Hermione, "We have to keep him warm, go get me some hot water. Move!"

Few minutes later Madam Pomfrey rushed into the wing. She ran to the bed and pushed Hermione and Harry out of the way. She felt Ron's pulse, checked his eyes, and made sure he was warming up sufficiently.

"What was he doing out there?" She asked calmly as she pulled some herbs out of his bag, taking some of the hot water she started to ground it into a paste.

"We don't really know." Harry said. "H-he said he wanted to take a breather as he was having a bad headache and so we just let him. We had not noticed that he hadn't returned to the Common Room the whole night. We expected him to be in the Great Hall already." Harry was almost stuttering, too anxious for words.

Madam Pomfrey nodded as she listened, starting to spread the paste on Ron's temples and on his bare chest after ripping away the fabric over it.

"What…what are you doing?" Hermione asked as she sniffed, looking away from Ron's naked body.

"It's great for his immune system. It's a very potent smell…it helps."

Ron moaned, rolling away from the disgusting smell in his dream, something pungent assaulting his nose. When he turned and turned and realized it wasn't going anywhere, he opened his eyes.

He looked up into beautiful misty brown eyes. Hermione. But she was only in this state only when someone was injured or in trouble…

Ron glanced around through clouded eyes. Everyone was watching him nervously. What was going on? He tried to speak but his throat burned like acid. He winced. "Oh, he's awake!" Parvati clutched Ron's shaking fingers, a teardrop spilled from her face to land with a "plop" on Ron's hand. Why was Parvati crying?

Madam Pomfrey placed a finger on Ron's chin and turned it towards herself. She made him drink water, which felt wonderfully cold down his burning throat.

Hermione's gaze locked with his and she watched him intently. She moved forward, her hand reaching out for his face. Her thin fingers traced hot lines down his cheeks. Ron touched his own cheek. Was he as red as he felt? A lock of Hermione's brown hair fell down and rested against Ron's chest. "What were you doing out in the garden last night?" Hermione asked gently. _It was strange, she wasn't usually this gentle to him._

Ron could barely hear her. His mind was clouded with fever and his voice was weak. Hermione bent down over him so that he could hear.

"Fighting…" Ron spoke very gently so his throat wouldn't burn.

"What do you mean?" Hermione asked.

Lavender and Parvati looked guiltily over at each other. "Umm," Lavender started but Parvati cut in. "We were fighting last night remember? I think our fighting drove Ron out of the room."

"Oh." Hermione said while rubbing away the paste from Ron's face.

"The statue…he's so beautiful isn't he?" Ron said suddenly. His face was pale and drawn. A memory of stone changing to flesh made him smile.

Hermione crinkled her face. What was he talking about?

"He talked to me…he's so beautiful and he's…he's alive." He touched his lips lightly, breathing over his fingers.

Pausing for a moment, Ron took a deep breath and held it. "Not as beautiful as you…" _Hermione…_

Ron realized he had been holding his breath and let it out slowly. He wanted to scramble away, but fear held him in place.

A goofy, wishful smile graced Ron's freckled face as everyone watched him. Then he sighed and his head lolled to the side as he slept.

Madam Pomfrey made a noise. "He's delirious from the fever." She said and covered Ron's body up with the blanket again. "I'll make sure he stays in bed all the time, and absolutely NO going outside for him. I'll be back tomorrow morning to check on him."

The rest nodded in agreement.

Lavender and Parvati clambered into their room and let the door close. Between the scare with Ron this morning and the endless fight the night before they were both pretty exhausted.

Suddenly Lavender broke out into sobs and sank onto the end of the bed, slid off and landed on the floor with a thud. She covered her face with her hands in abject shame.

Despite the fact that Parvati was still pretty pissed at her, she couldn't stand to see her best friend crying. "Lavender, what's wrong?"

"It's our fault!" She screamed and sobbed again into her hands, turning away.

Parvati was confused as she put her hands on Lavender's shoulders. "What is?"

"Don't you see!? He must have heard us fighting all night and wanted to get away from it! You know how irritated Ron gets whenever he doesn't get to sleep well!!"

She was right. Parvati looked downcast. "Well, he will be fine, don't worry. He's not too sick." As she spoke the words she wasn't too sure, she prayed that Ron would be alright. It was all her fault…

He looked over towards the huge windows. It was now snowing outside. Soft, white sparkles of ice fluttered down over the world. The garden flowers of the spring showed patches of purple and red in areas, disappearing in others.

Ron wasn't watching the snow, but the full-length mirror beside the door. He never noticed how it looked straight down into the garden before. He saw the fountain, not working so well since the pipes were probably frozen. His vision turned blurry after awhile and he gave up. Closing his eyes, he thought of Hermione. _Just earlier on, was she really that worried? Did she cry? Or was it my imagination… That short moment when she touched my cheek… It felt so intimate…. Sighing, he touched his cheek again, trying to relive that moment_. Slowly, he closed his eyes, sleep taking over him…

A/N: Don't kill me! I know it gets a wee boring in this chapter but I just felt like writing it! Very un-Ron like but please do give me time to adjust to his cute goofiness.

AmyChris: Hehe, thanks! Don't worry about the part of more Ron's POV. Everyone gets a turn! Hoho.

Junella: Oh you scary little dwarf!

StarrieCat: Thanks! I didn't do too well for exams though. Hah. Hm, I guess you're right about the Hermione part. Must've overlooked it but love does wonders.

Miss Court-A-Doo: Haha thanks, shall update faster. –speeds up engine- Otherwise Junella'll will kill me too.


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